Knock it off.
When I was little, where I grew up, I used to hear people talk about getting "jewed down" all the time. Or, as a source of pride, they would announce that had really "jewed" somebody else down. Because in my Southern Baptist universe I didn't know any Jewish people, or even really what "jew" was, it never occurred to me that the phrase "jewed down" might have negative connotations. We don't know what we don't know.
And so, I grew up saying that phrase too.
It wasn't until a very wise Jewish friend of mine kindly pointed out why it was a hurtful phrase that I stopped saying it. Long after I should have known, long after I should have stopped.
And so, while some rant and rave about the ridiculousness of political correctness, I do have to hope we can err on the part of curiously cautious. Not the kind of curiosity that puts people and groups on a stage of "otherness" so we can watch, or the kind of cautious that keeps us from talking for fear of offending, but the kind of curious caution that keeps us open to understanding the ramifications of our language and helps us actively desire to find out what impact our words have.
And so, today, when my friend Scott Horton sent me the link to this video, I realized the importance of the approach my wonderful Jewish friend was kind enough to take with me. He sought to educate me, not blame me. My role, in turn, was not to defend myself or belittle his perspective but to listen, to hear him, to acknowledge that even though that wasn't my intent, it was my impact.
The phrase that actress Wanda Sykes is teaching us about in this video is one that is widely used by teenager and young people, though not exclusively by them. If you have someone in your home or office who has been using this phrase, please sit with them and watch this and talk about it, not to blame them but to educate them.
When teenager Lawrence King was murdered last February 12th by his classmate for being gay, Ellen DeGeneres talked about this kind of language. Together we can raise a generation of adults who are more conscious, more open, more free to explore difference than we are. That exploration and casualness about difference cannot, however, come at the expense of our GLBTQ friends and family, or any group.
We don't know what we don't know. We can't see what we can't see. Our frame of reference determines what we see. Mine is different from yours. To see more, we have to ask others. Blind spots when you are driving are dangerous. If you turn your head to eliminate one, you create another. Best to have someone else in the car to help you–so seek people out who can help you navigate. Stay open to the experience of learning what you don't know you don't know, from others.
Stop yourself from saying, "I didn't mean anything by it," or "That's ridiculous, they're overreacting or they're too sensitive."
Together, let's knock it off. I'm just sayin.'
